My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize