sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
as a side note pls kill me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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