You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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