we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
