her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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