paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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