i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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