I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
