I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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