Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
