i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
