If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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