just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
