I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
