My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she told me i tasted like america
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
