Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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