I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
