He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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