Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
