You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
