First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
