Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
