Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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