Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
