Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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