So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
