it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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