Someone shit on the floor
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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