if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
