Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
