Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
