Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
