I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
