im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
