I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
