bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
