this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
