real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
