I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
