i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't put those talents on a resume
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
