My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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