regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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