So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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