I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
