i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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