just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
