I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
