Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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