she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
