I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
