walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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