Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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