the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
