Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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