i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
