I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
