i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize