i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
