it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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