Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
