look no pants
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
