I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
