Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
