and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
