Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
