he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
