he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dear god my vagina.
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