I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
