Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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